Tag Archives: funny

Saturday Evening Rap Break: Pimp My Satellite

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Yo Russia it’s me, your arch-nemesis,
We the G’s over seas with Micky-D’s stains on our T’s,
with luxuries like you wouldn’t believe,
we’ve got more ringtones on our iPhones than China’s got Chinese,
We’re America biyatch, the land of the free
We gave you Michael Bolton and Jurassic Park 3
Our soccer teams suck and our beers taste like pee pee
but our rhymes are so phat they get type II diabetes

But enough about us, how come you ain’t been callin me?
I guess you’re trying to stabilize your volatile economy,
preoccupied nationwide with new domestic policies,
psych, ya right, I know you tryin to follow me
You’ve been
Disgraced in the space race, trying to save face after comin in second place,
Just enough to taste victory, chase history, ace Kennedy, but ya lost pace with your enemy,
and now you’re layin low, plottin’ for as long as we’ve known ya,
You hold you’re head up like Neil Armstrong didn’t pwn ya,
that secret space ride that you’re tryin to hide isn’t something I would publicize with any pride, I’ll tell ya why…

-Susan

The King Is Still Alive, and I Want To Copyright It

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From the Frequently Asked Questions page of the U.S. Copyright Office’s website:

How do I protect my sighting of Elvis?
Copyright law does not protect sightings. However, copyright law will protect your photo (or other depiction) of your sighting of Elvis. File your claim to copyright online by means of the electronic Copyright Office (eCO). Pay the fee online and attach a copy of your photo. Or, go to the Copyright Office website, fill in Form CO, print it, and mail it together with your photo and fee. For more information on registration a copyright, see SL-35. No one can lawfully use your photo of your sighting, although someone else may file his own photo of his sighting. Copyright law protects the original photograph, not the subject of the photograph.

How many times exactly has this question been asked for it to qualify as “frequent”?

-Susan

Acronym Evolution

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Via language log, the internet has claimed another victim — the Wisconsin Tourism Federation. Compare the old and new logos below.

It’s really a pity that the Southern Tenant Farmers Union no longer exists. Otherwise we’d get more great lines like the one from this book, “Communist efforts to capture the STFU,” or this one, “Without the STFU, these people may not have dared to exercise these rights of citizenship.”

-Susan

Attorney-Client Privilege [Apparently] Extends To Your Sketchy Roommate’s Bedroom

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One of my favorite places to find a good laugh is a website called Passive Aggressive Notes.  The site is exactly what you’d expect: a repository for insanely funny passive-aggressive notes.  Normally, that kind of thing doesn’t have anything to do with law, but I couldn’t help but post this gem. 

Apparently, one roommate planned to throw a party.  The other roommate planned to be out of town and was concerned someone would use his bed.  So, logically, the roommate posted a notice invoking attorney-client privilege, the Iowa constitution, Iowa statute, federal statute, and the U.S. Constitution.  Some highlights (and I’m not even going to try to insert [sic]s):

This room is protected as later defined from trespassing.  There is privileged information contained within. . . . If you feel the need to disrespect me, State Gov’t, and Federal Gov’t, as well as those person found on the classified documents, then you will be prosecuted.

. . .

I will not jeopardize my future law career and will therefore not be afraid to press charges for violations found herein.

-Michael

Comedy Break

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On torts-guru John Banzhaf:

“I can’t believe this guy is a law professor at a major university” states Barbara Jenkins. “It is a sad day when they allow someone with such a lack of credibility teach law to our young men and women, he sues people and organizations with no basis, just to cost them attorney and court cost to benefit Pfizer and anti-American practices, even politicians look at him as a leach on society.

“ASH has received millions in funding directly from Pfizer as a “partner” according to this post on a blog. This brings serious questions about the credibility of Pfizer’s tactics by using an attorney that is proud to be referred to as “communist” and lacking real legal skills to the point that a Congressional House Committee conducting a hearing about John Banzhaf’s frivolous lawsuits commented that the best way to beat John Banzhaf was to “simply let him keep speaking.”

and,

Attorney Banzhaf hopes soon to see smokers incarcerated in smoke-free prisons or even to realize his life’s ambition of frying them in an electric chair for the crime of smoking tobacco[.]

Check out this line from the second quote: “according to this post on a blog.” That has got to be the most amazing citation I’ve ever seen. I’m going to use that from now on whenever I’m having trouble finding a source to back up a claim — of course it’s true, I saw it on this post on a blog once!

And say what you will about Banzhaf, but the man’s got the most terrifying volleyball spike I’ve ever seen in a law professor.

-Susan

Go Georgia!

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Judge Clay Land, a U.S. district court judge in the Middle District of Georgia (my “home district”), is growing impatient with all these lawsuits alleging that Obama is not an American citizen.  Judge Land ordered Orly Taitz, the California lawyer (and dentist!) behind most of these suits, to explain why she shouldn’t be subject to a $10,000 sanction after her latest “motion for reconsideration”.  (Read the hilarious order here.) 

Taitz’s motion is a hoot, but I especially love this line:

[T]his Court ignores some of the soundest and most carefully researched and professionally assembled and presented evidence, collated and substantiated by a former agent of England’s fabled ’Scotland Yard”. 

Just when things couldn’t get any worse for Taitz, it turns out her client is actually threatening to file a complaint against her in California.  Booyah!

-Michael

How To Succeed In Law Without Really Trying

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LobbHow do you look like a famous lawyer without actually being a famous lawyer?  One young attorney apparently thought the best approach is to show up at a federal courthouse’s groundbreaking and jump in the picture with the important people.  George Lobb, a young guy from Texas, lined up with two U.S. district court judges, two U.S. magistrate judges, four Congressmen, and others to pose for the celebratory event.   He’s seen in this picture in his white hardhat with celebratory shovel.

George successfully pissed off a magistrate judge, but won the hearts of hundreds (at least judging from the comments at The Austin American-Statesman).

-Michael