Rush Limbaugh, Stalwart Defender of Marriage Rights

Until today, I had never realized that Rush Limbaugh believed so strongly in marriage rights. But he showed how mistaken I was about his beliefs, when, yesterday, he celebrated his right to get married for the fourth and (potentially) final time. This was a bold move for Rush to make; by doing so, he took a strong stand in the name of the many rights that he believes all Americans are entitled to. These rights include:

(1) The right to get married, even though traditional values forbid it, or, at a very minimum, find your fourth “marriage” to be an example of moral depravity and an indication of underlying character flaws. So what, you’ve screwed up before. You’re a flawed person, everyone is. But now you have found someone you love, and you think this time you can get it right. Some people may call it immoral, but to you, it’s just love.

(2) The right to get married, and to have the state recognize your marriage even if certain religious traditions prohibit it. It is irrelevant that someone’s version of the Bible says that you are a sinner, and that your union is not recognized by god. Who cares if god recognizes it? You just want the state to.

(3) The right to get married, even if a lot of the public finds the idea of you and spouse getting married to be really kinda icky. Some people might object to your marriage, because, for a large segment of the population, the thought of your sex life makes their skin crawl. Too bad — if it grosses them out, they should just try not to think about it. The fact that you make them squeamish is not a valid reason for denying you the right to marry the one you love.

(4) The right to get married, even if by doing so you are setting a disturbing example for the nation’s children. By divorcing three times and marrying for a fourth, you are teaching children that marriage is a temporary and discardable institution, and that it is not a commitment to be taken seriously. Even if you are setting a terrible example, it’s not your problem. Although some parents may not want their children to emulate you and what they believe is your sinful behavior, that is not a valid reason for denying you the right to live your life in the manner you believe is best for you.

(5) The right to privacy, and to have marriage be a personal decision that is not regulated by the state. Rush has always believed that the federal government should not meddle in our personal affairs. It would be morally wrong if the government prohibited people from marrying more than three times, and, luckily, the government has not tried to regulate that yet. Additionally, Rush has firmly declared his right to privacy regarding his choice to get married. As he wrote in an email to the media, “We try to live our lives as normal people. We do not seek media attention. We do not want it, especially for this.” You tell them, Rush. This is your personal life — who do they think they are, trying to get involved in it?

    I wish the happy couple all the best. Their dedication to marriage rights is an inspiration to us all.