Saturday Evening Rap Break: Pimp My Satellite

Yo Russia it’s me, your arch-nemesis,
We the G’s over seas with Micky-D’s stains on our T’s,
with luxuries like you wouldn’t believe,
we’ve got more ringtones on our iPhones than China’s got Chinese,
We’re America biyatch, the land of the free
We gave you Michael Bolton and Jurassic Park 3
Our soccer teams suck and our beers taste like pee pee
but our rhymes are so phat they get type II diabetes

But enough about us, how come you ain’t been callin me?
I guess you’re trying to stabilize your volatile economy,
preoccupied nationwide with new domestic policies,
psych, ya right, I know you tryin to follow me
You’ve been
Disgraced in the space race, trying to save face after comin in second place,
Just enough to taste victory, chase history, ace Kennedy, but ya lost pace with your enemy,
and now you’re layin low, plottin’ for as long as we’ve known ya,
You hold you’re head up like Neil Armstrong didn’t pwn ya,
that secret space ride that you’re tryin to hide isn’t something I would publicize with any pride, I’ll tell ya why…


The King Is Still Alive, and I Want To Copyright It

From the Frequently Asked Questions page of the U.S. Copyright Office’s website:

How do I protect my sighting of Elvis?
Copyright law does not protect sightings. However, copyright law will protect your photo (or other depiction) of your sighting of Elvis. File your claim to copyright online by means of the electronic Copyright Office (eCO). Pay the fee online and attach a copy of your photo. Or, go to the Copyright Office website, fill in Form CO, print it, and mail it together with your photo and fee. For more information on registration a copyright, see SL-35. No one can lawfully use your photo of your sighting, although someone else may file his own photo of his sighting. Copyright law protects the original photograph, not the subject of the photograph.

How many times exactly has this question been asked for it to qualify as “frequent”?


Acronym Evolution

Via language log, the internet has claimed another victim — the Wisconsin Tourism Federation. Compare the old and new logos below.

It’s really a pity that the Southern Tenant Farmers Union no longer exists. Otherwise we’d get more great lines like the one from this book, “Communist efforts to capture the STFU,” or this one, “Without the STFU, these people may not have dared to exercise these rights of citizenship.”


Comedy Break

On torts-guru John Banzhaf:

“I can’t believe this guy is a law professor at a major university” states Barbara Jenkins. “It is a sad day when they allow someone with such a lack of credibility teach law to our young men and women, he sues people and organizations with no basis, just to cost them attorney and court cost to benefit Pfizer and anti-American practices, even politicians look at him as a leach on society.

“ASH has received millions in funding directly from Pfizer as a “partner” according to this post on a blog. This brings serious questions about the credibility of Pfizer’s tactics by using an attorney that is proud to be referred to as “communist” and lacking real legal skills to the point that a Congressional House Committee conducting a hearing about John Banzhaf’s frivolous lawsuits commented that the best way to beat John Banzhaf was to “simply let him keep speaking.”


Attorney Banzhaf hopes soon to see smokers incarcerated in smoke-free prisons or even to realize his life’s ambition of frying them in an electric chair for the crime of smoking tobacco[.]

Check out this line from the second quote: “according to this post on a blog.” That has got to be the most amazing citation I’ve ever seen. I’m going to use that from now on whenever I’m having trouble finding a source to back up a claim — of course it’s true, I saw it on this post on a blog once!

And say what you will about Banzhaf, but the man’s got the most terrifying volleyball spike I’ve ever seen in a law professor.